Waiting to exhale

The job is still not real to me yet. Relief has not yet hit.  The stress that I’ve been carrying hasn’t abated any, even despite having the official letter of hire in my hands and looking forward to this new career opportunity. The media keeps hammering away at this atmosphere of fear and loss, with everyone using the word ‘Depression’ a lot. If I were better able to conduct research I’d love to see some word counts on how certain terms are used, when the media uses them, when actual economic change happens, and what if any impact the media’s use of language and “anticipatory linguistic choices” has on driving actual change. We’d need to do a bit of an historical survey of media and chart them against actual market and social changes, see how many times the media produced a ‘scare’ vs. how many times they were ‘ahead of the curve’. Look for any statistical pattern and draw conclusions from that.

Yeah. Later much, maybe.

But it is important for me to relax. I know I’ve finally hit stereotypical 30-something behavior because I’m spending a lot of time and energy trying to relax and release some phenomenal stress in my life. Late on the rent, waiting for checks to arrive which more than cover it (tax refunds suddenly really are an economic stimulus for me… thank you continuing education tax credit!). In a very real way, education has paid the bills around here for the past year. Without financial aid for me or my partner, we would have lost the apartment, the pets, the car, everything would have tanked.

I’ve been on thin ice before, but this time was horrible. Worse than 9/11 aftermath. And I’m so lucky to have found a job… ANY job. I’m just incredibly, incredibly thankful. Hopefully at the end of the processing of gratitude some relief will creep in. But for the first time in my adult life I realize how incredibly stupid it’s been to live without savings or a nest egg all this time.

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